The Lies I’ve Been Telling Myself

Yesterday, I felt like I saw a breakthrough.I got up again again From another handyman who had made an appointment to request a quote for drywall work for the studio.

I had the worst experience with a handyman. how many is this now? I forgot to count. let’s see.

1. There was a guy I hired to do the simplest, most basic job (hauling junk). He said he would finish half his work, ask for full payment, and come back the next morning to finish. I paid him and then I didn’t see him for 6 weeks. During that time I texted him twice and he said twice that he would come back the next day and finish his work. He was absent both times. Six weeks later, when he finally came to pick up the rest of his stuff, the truck bed was already full when he showed up, and he didn’t get everything he promised to bring (and the I had already paid for it) ) in the truck bed, which was already full. But despite this, he declared his work done and did not respond to my text messages.
2. I made an appointment with another man on a specific day and at a specific time. he didn’t show up. Later that night he informed me that he had received his DM on Nextdoor and could reschedule. He didn’t even apologize or offer any excuse for making me stand. It’s just, “Hey, I think I was supposed to meet you at 5 o’clock today. We can reschedule for another day.”
3. I made an appointment with a woman who works as a handyman for her husband through Nextdoor’s DM. I sent her a message and she replied as soon as I could call her at any time. She called right away and was told that she was now going to someone else’s house to get an estimate, and that she might be able to come to her house in person after that. She said she would call me back in 5 minutes. It’s been 5 days and I still haven’t heard from you.
4. I made an appointment with another man. He and his helpers showed up when we asked to see the work. He said he would be here for about 5 minutes, take measurements and email me a quote later. I didn’t hear from him that night or the next day. I finally emailed him asking if he had a quote and about 2 minutes after I sent it I got a read notification stating he had read my text. It’s been 2 days and I still haven’t heard from you.
5. I made an appointment with a lady who seemed to have a few working staff doing all kinds of remodeling and handyman work. She was supposed to come here at 5 o’clock yesterday. At 5:30 she still hadn’t come and I hadn’t heard from her. She called but got no answer. I texted and waited. Finally from her she got a text message back at 6:00. She didn’t know the time because she was with the plumber, she said she could call next week and reschedule.

I have no idea how these people can stay in business when they treat their customers (or potential customers) with such disrespect. It’s safe to say that I was at my breaking point yesterday evening. I was furious, frustrated and, to be honest, felt helpless.

helpless. It’s a word that I never thought I would associate with myself. I always thought of myself as strong, capable, and determined. I’ve always been the type of person who finds a way, even if something seems impossible. People have asked me many times in his 16 years of writing this blog.Christie, how did you do it yourself?“I just did it. Sheer determination, sheer willpower, and spoonfuls of stubbornness have served me well over the years.

But recently there has been a change in my heart that is not for the better. If it was simply because I was in the last room of the house and felt like I was on the last mile of a marathon and might not make it in time, I wouldn’t think so now. I don’t know if it’s because I just hit a milestone birthday and I’m feeling old and asking myself questions.how did you get here alreadyI don’t know the truth, but about half a year ago there was a change in my way of thinking. I’m not the strong, capable, determined person I used to be, and I’ve started telling myself: I can not do it.I no efficient.I no Strong enough.I Can not Do these things yourself, and if you don’t find help, they won’t be done. I can not do it.

I never becameI can not do itbefore. But I’ve been telling myself these lies so many times over the last few months that it’s getting depressing. Add to that the fact that you can’t find someone you trust to do these things you thought you couldn’t do, and you’ve got an utterly depressing sense of helplessness.

Never in my life did I ever think that I would feel helpless. Yet yesterday I was there feeling helpless. I felt so helpless and discouraged that I cried and held a sympathy party for myself. And I got angry and had a bit of a temper tantrum because they kept me on my feet and someone had to do it because I couldn’t do it alone.

Well, after about half an hour of such nonsense, my anger and frustration was directed at myself. I began to wonder what had happened to me. What have I become?How in the last few months have I convinced myself that I am? incapable who do these things?

I once drywalled an entire room in my house myself, including the ceiling. Yes, I honestly hate drywall so much that I swore to myself that I would never have to do drywall again. I hate installing drywall, but I hate taping and mudding even more.But my thinking was more than just I hate drywall so I don’t want to do it.My thinking was like I incapable relying on someone else to do this. And not being able to find someone I could trust to do it for me led to that terrifying and unfamiliar sense of helplessness.

I honestly don’t know how I convinced myself of these lies.So I made a cased opening in the load-bearing wall of this house all by myself.

I demolished the room down to the studs and rebuilt it. all by yourself.

So was I feeling helpless on five drywalls? I was telling myself that I could not do this by myself. How did this happen?

Well, maybe getting all these people to stand up was just what I needed to get out of the downward spiral I’ve been in for the last few months. Because after all of yesterday’s tantrums and pity parties, I found this resolve: I haven’t felt it in a long time. I started remembering who I was and what I had done. And I told myself that I was very capable. No need to rely on others!

So I made a plan and headed to the home center. I was going to rent a $19 truck and get the drywall I needed to complete the job myself. There was no track, so I ran into a small obstacle when I got there, but I was determined. There were still 5 drywall sheets, but he had one of his staff help him cut each sheet 6 inches shorter to fit in the van. We have everything you need to complete this drywall. And as soon as Matt and I finished lunch today, intention finish.

And I’m going to stop telling myselfI can not do it” and “i have no ability‘ I don’t know how and why these lies started creeping into my head, but I’m tired of them spinning around in my head. I got an eviction notice as of yesterday, so I’m going to do everything in my power to get back to the old mindset of telling myself I can. I can’t stand that feeling of helplessness and I don’t want to experience it again. I may have passed a milestone birthday, and I may be a little older than I was when I started this blog, but I’m still strong, capable, and determined…at least. , I’m going to do my best to get back into the mindset. It may take some time to fully recover, but in the meantime I’ll at least stop letting those lies live in my head.

In Addicted 2 Decorating, I share my DIY and decorating journey of modifying and decorating a 1948 Fixer upper that my husband Matt and I purchased in 2013. Matt does most of her work because she has MS and she cannot do physical labor. I do my own housework. You can learn more about me here.